We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
