yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
