I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
