if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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