he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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