And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I didn't notice because vodka
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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