So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
