we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
