I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
