Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
