you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
