lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
