Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
