Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think i got beer on your cat.
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