You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
