What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
