shes about as inviting as chlamydia
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
