i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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