I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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