I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize