His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
