You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
