its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
