remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize