It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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