Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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