hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
