My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
