even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
