Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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