Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I currently don't understand fingers.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
