I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
