I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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