if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
