I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
