I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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