Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
