Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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