Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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