Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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