I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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