I must be too annoying 4 u.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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