you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
