I smell stomach acid.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
