So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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