So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
