just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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