You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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