I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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