so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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