I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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