If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You are a booty call, not a friend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize