i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
