Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
