Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
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