If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
