I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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