Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
