Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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