Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
