if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
