At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
